Thursday 4 October 2012

Beautiful weekend.

So, a weekend in August.  A weekend that we have been going away for around 16 years to the same event.

Greenbelt.  A christian art and music festival.  I first went for the day with my husband to see a band's last performance - Fat and Frantic.  It was great, the first live music I had ever watched.  We were so impressed with the festival at that time, based in Northampton, that we decided to go again, for the whole weekend, the following year.

The festival ran on the August Bank holiday.  When we started attending it ran from Friday morning and ran until the Monday evening and we were able to camp from the Thursday.  That first day we went the weather was awful! Mud everywhere, and signs saying whole fields of tents had collapsed.  We decided that the tent option was not for us so invested in a very small 2 berth caravan with an awning included.  It was great, dry, warm and loved it.  We started to use it for holidays as well.

After a while we heard that some friends were selling their old large caravan.  We jumped at the chance.  A fantastic twin axle 5 berth caravan with awning, with cooker, oven fridge and built in shower.  Along came 2 children - both brought up by attending Greenbelt over the August bank holiday.

Greenbelt because shorter, running from Friday evening, so camping from Friday morning, upgrading to a newer Bessacarr  caravan with all the same mod-cons and heating, still twin axle and a little longer.  2 children getting older, then myself and my husband volunteering to help at the festival in the childrens area and arriving from the Thursday evening to attend trainings on the Friday.  The father-in-law coming along in his caravan and a friend as well who also started to volunteer.

They were great weekends, with a venue that moved to Cheltenham racecourse, they were full of music, new bands, main stage, underground stage, kids activities, youth activities, talks, crafts, Christian Aid tents. Sometimes sunshine, rain, cloud and smiles, hugs and friendliness.  Added to that the village atmosphere, the food stands to sample delights from, my kids becoming pre-teens.

The kids always talk of Greenbelt as "coming home" - it was a weekend to take stock, refuel, and carryon.  Then to give back at a later stage by volunteering.

Yep, it was great, until one journey back one year.....

TTFN. :)

Tuesday 2 October 2012

4 years and its burned in my head

Well, my first attempt at a blog.  All the "how to's" say to blog about something that you know about, make it interesting, short or funny.  Me, I just need to get something out of my head - and maybe getting it down on "paper" may be the way to do it!

This morning, whilst taking a break with a mug of tea, I decided to catch up with an episode of Neighbours.  That's it, turned off half the readers now!  It was the episode where there was a car accident with a car full of people where the car went off the road and turned over and landed on the roof.  That happened to me - 4 years ago in August - and it's still affecting me now.

In a later episode one of the characters who was a passenger in the car was told they need to talk about it now otherwise it will just get worse.  Yes, I think I can agree to that.  It gets better, and it gets worse.  I'm breaking out in a sweat now just thinking about it; I can feel my heart rate go up.  Maybe after all of these years it is time to just talk about it, to put my emotions down, to analysis it.  But that's just it, I don't really know what I feel.  My head knows that it is over, it's done with, that everyone is fine, it was a fluke, it's never going to happen again.

How many times have I told myself that?  I've lost count.  I still break out in a sweat on busy roads, next to lorries, if I don't think any driver of any car is braking quick enough.  Many different reactions and its getting worse by the week.

Perhaps I need to put it all down here, for all to see, to try and shut it away.  Or maybe I need professional help, or maybe I just have to accept that that is it for me, things will never be the same again.  Whatever, I'm afraid that this blog is just for me, for my therapy and to help me on my journey.   If others want to join me on my journey; that is great, if it helps anyone else then that's a bonus.

Well, what a depressing blog that's going to be!!!!  will carry on blogging another time.  :-)   ttfn.